i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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