i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
