talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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