i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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