It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
