okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
