I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
