Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
