She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
