You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
