you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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