2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
