please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
