it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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