fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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