I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize