When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
