I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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