I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
