There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize