if i can run in heels then i can drive
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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