so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
