sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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