Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
