my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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