I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How does it feel to date your dad?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
