Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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