apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Life is so much better after having sex.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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