nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
