How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
