Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I party with great urgency now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
