ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
