I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
