Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
