In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
