Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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