that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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