Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
