Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
