mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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