we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
