I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
