it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is not my ceiling
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
