my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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