you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
