yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
