Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
