Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
