You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
