Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize