I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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