I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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