Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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