Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
