Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
