You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
