You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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