i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
