An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
