I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
