seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
