i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize