Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
