you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
