Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
