Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your penis caused this!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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