Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
