Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
