I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
