Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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