i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
