you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
