Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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