happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
