You can't special order awesome
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
