Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
