I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
