True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
