Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
