So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Little spoons don't ask big questions
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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