It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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