I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
